lunch-official:

hommedog:

lunch-official:

nmqttps:

lunch-official:

i work as a barista & people tell me all the time that The Drinks Got Gender. Thats A Lady Coffee, people try to say

its fucking bean water

can’t believe i can’t just reply to this but: maybe they’re actually telling you that this coffee has an important status. Lady Coffee

oh shit i was in the presence of bean water royalty oh fuck i must have looked like such a rube. such a fool.

what the fuck does this post mean ive been trying to decipher its hieroglyphic encrypted message but i cant

“From a deconstructionist stand point, I have to disagree with a large portion of the customers that I, a humble barista tend to each day. The assertion that certain coffee drinks are more suitable for one gender or another is folly. For as we know: 1. gender is a social construct, & 2. coffee of any type is simply hot water strained through roasted beans, & has no greater affect on either culturally assigned sex.”

“What ho, kind friend! Is it not unfortunate that I cannot simply reply to this post, & most reblog it? What a farce, this blue website! Ah, but I digress: what if perhaps your customers were not asserting not the suitability of the drink for a given gender, but rather indicating some matter of status? Perhaps the coffee is possessing of a high rank in society. This is of course my purely grammatical viewpoint on the subject.”

“Oh, damnation! This does in fact seem much more likely than my own ludicrous assumptions, & I was no doubt in the presence of roasted bean royalty! Some emissary from foreign soil! Curses! What a country bumpkin I’ve made myself out to be!!”

(via unpretty)

roachpatrol:

while we’re on the subject of narcissa malfoy i just want to point out what an incredibly underrated character she is in fanworks. it’s not just that she appropriately revenged herself on the guy who screwed over both her families. it’s like. okay. draco malfoy has a sense of humor. all the blacks have a sense of humor. lucius malfoy is so fucking humorless he got into a goddamn fistfight in a bookstore with arthur weasley. lucius malfoy has snits like, all the time. lucius malfoy cuts out newspaper articles that talk about how great he is and mails them to his son. lucius malfoy loses his house elf and his first reaction is like, try to club a twelve year old harry potter in the face with his stick at hogwarts in front of witnesses and the free house elf and he gets his ass handed to him because, okay, what the hell was the win condition of that situation? he would have beat up a schoolboy? anyway, lucius malfoy is, i cannot overstate this, a complete dingus. 

narcissa carried that family every fucking step of the way. and she’s probably where draco got his sense of humor, as well as whatever cunning the hapless little twerp ever manages to scrape up. lucius malfoy is a stone cold disaster who keeps his wand in a cane with a silver snakehead handle and can’t manage to outfox schoolchildren. thank god for the malfoys that he married up. 

(via unpretty)

accio-shitpost:

ollivander sells wands to all of britain and yet he only operates out of a single shop in london? you’d think he’d wanna franchise that shit. open up a bunch of mcwandshops, you know

osointricate:

Trope that can die:

Grown men telling their small sons to “take care of things now” like their grown, capable mother isn’t standing right there, listening.

(via spectresmut)

just-shower-thoughts:

Calling yourself a hacker for executing a DDoS is like calling yourself a lock picker because you blew up a door with dynamite.

(via just-shower-thoughts)

theirs:

jegusgogfuckass:

did you kno that 10 million pounds of maple syrup was stolen from quebec

10 million pounds

1/3 of the government’s reserve

like. how do you even steal 10 million pounds of maple syrup. where do you hide it. what would you even do with it

why does the canadian government have a maple syrup reserve 

(via bellegerant)

targetretales:

-A woman came through wearing a shirt that said, “Camp Wheretheheckrwe”. Finally, a brand of comedy that I can relate to.

-A manager made me a Starbucks Pink Drink. I can see why this drink’s popularity caused a shortage in coconut milk. It tasted like liquid flowers, but with less chlorophyll. 

-A girl dressed in all pink, tutu, shoes, bow, and all, attempted to make an escape. She unbuckled herself and stood up in the toddler seat, and attempted to jump the bar and get out, before her handler placed her back in confinement, much to her chagrin and dismay.

-While in the bathroom, a man’s phone began to ring. With no warning, Lorde’s “Royals” was suddenly blaring throughout the room. He then started angrily yelling at his phone, “ANSWER! ANSWER!” Shockingly, this did not work, and the song was still playing as I left.

-A boy decided to act out, but wisely wanted to avoid any actual repercussions. While unloading the cart, he would wind up as he removed each item, as if he were going to throw it angrily onto the conveyor belt, then at the last moment gently place it down. I feel a deep sense of comradery and understanding for this boy.

-I have made the realization that after the age of seventy, people only carry around either hundred dollar bills, or pockets full of unreasonable amounts of loose change. I do not know yet the significance of this discovery, but I will crack the Elder Code one day.

-As a little girl was waiting in line, I heard her cheerfully exclaim that she has no gum, while pointing at the chewing gum rack. She was not asking for gum. She was not complaining about not having gum. She just decided to gleefully announce to everyone in the vicinity that, at the time, she did not have any gum in her possession. 

-I then caused an existential crisis in this same girl. I handed her a sticker. Her face was filled with a sense of terror at the responsibility I had just given her. She could not decide where to place it. She was thoroughly shaken by this. I eventually handed her a second sticker so that she would not have to make such a weighty decision on such short notice. This solved the dilemma immediately.

-I have discovered the ultimate form of pure confusion, and that is children not understanding how stickers work and attempting to stick wax paper to their foreheads. It is truly a marvel to behold.

-A woman ominously wandered the front of the store, repeating to herself, “I should have known better. I should have known better. I should have known better.” My shift ended before I was able to ascertain whether or not she had reason to have known better. I remain confident that she did her best.

-An old man with a gun strapped to his hip was wearing a shirt that read, “Ditch The Paper, Go For Vapor.” It is reassuring to know that, in this life, some things may come and go, but the vape life is forever.

homojabi:

Parents that say shit like “After everything that I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” are so fucked up. Kids do not “owe” their parents anything. Kids do not have a running tab of expenses to pay back that starts from the minute they’re born. Kids do not get to choose their parents or their needs and implying that they are the one forcing their parents to do something and that they deserve to be punished for it is straight up child abuse.

(via affinity-exe-deactivated2021111)